I don’t know what I was expecting when I started working at an airline company, not this: that the language used here can be quite dirty.
When our group of ten Starters in the Airline company began our training, someone nicknamed it a „Kindergarten“: since we were babies in the company, we had to learn everything literally from the alphabet. For your info, airlines use a special spelling alphabet to eliminate any confusion.
For example, the word Lufthansa would be spelled out like this:
Lima, Uniform, Foxtrot, Tango, Hotel, Alpha, November, Sierra, Alpha.
Now. I know I’m not a baby. Maybe I’m even a big girl. But what awaited me in the Airline Kindergarten Classroom frankly made me blush.
For passengers (or just PAX, in airline jargon) travelling in Economy Light (=the cheapest of the cheapest options), we have a special offer.
This special offer is called Fbag.
It actually means First Bag, our trainer explained without any sign of embarrassment on her face. In Economy Light you don’t have any free checked baggage allowance, so that’s why you can purchase an Fbag.
Every single time we were practicing booking an Fbag, I was sinking into my chair. I could only laugh to myself, since the others didn’t seem to have the same associations as I did.
Luckily, Hungarian minds are at least as dirty as Czech minds. While booking another Fbag, my Hungarian colleague/classmate couldn’t hold it and grimaced publicly what I was thinking privately:
Yes, the Airline company offers F-bags to its poorest customers.
Fbags. What the fu*k?
But it doesn’t stop there.
Sbag / Xbag
Next, after the Fbag, comes an Sbag. S for second. Second bag. In case an Fbag isn’t enough for the passenger, he can purchase a Second bag.
Any bag which is either larger or heavier than the limits is designated an Xbag.
I’m sorry, but still feeling the repercussions of the Fbag… Of course that my vivid imagination will add an E in between the S and X!
Here comes the climax – Gbag
If a passenger has enjoyed the benefits of an Fbag and an Sbag, and even an Xbag still doesn’t satisfy his needs, the LH company has a solution: a Gbag.
Gbag. That’s the peak. Literally.
If you’re wondering what a Gbag actually means, it is an Fbag purchased at the airport. In other words: if you come to the airport without an Fbag and change your mind, you may purchase an Fbag which will be marked as a Gbag.
So we can formulate the following formula:
Fbag + Airport = G.
G for G-bag. Or a G-spot.
If I was the passenger, I would definitely go for this option. Booking an F–bag which is already featuring a G, that’s a win.
I’m sure there are plenty spots at the airport to enjoy the benefits of your F-bags, S-bags, X-bags, G-bags and who knows what other bags. But before you go searching for these spots and risk missing your flight… Maybe keep it simple and try your luck in the COCKPIT.
Wet Dry Fufi
Ok, I know that words like wet and dry are totally normal words. Fufi, on the other hand, is not an English or Czech word at all. (But hold on with Fufi and remember it for later.)
But remember that my vivid imagination is operating in the context of F-bags, G-bags and cockpits. And in this context, my mind creates all sorts of associations upon hearing sentences like This is a Lufthansa-Swiss wetlease.
As airline consultants, we also need to advise passengers with battery-powered wheelchairs to make sure they know which type of battery it is:
- Wet battery
- Dry battery
- Spillable or non-spillable
Come on. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t think of the multiple contexts that wet, dry and even spillable can be used in!
And now Fufi. I didn’t dare to make any silly dirty associations when the trainer mentioned this abbreviation (which actually means Ticketing department). But this time, the trainer was first to open the sensitive topic:
I know this means a bad word in some Balkan languages, right?
None of us had been aware of that, but my vivid imagination knew right away which bad word she’s talking about.
Try to use your imagination. Fufi. Fifinka. Pipinka.
If you still don’t get it…
Just stick with cockpit.
What the FOC?
One month into the training as Starter in the Airline Kindergarten, with doing all the Encode/Decode, Booking/Rebooking, Shift + F11 and so on, I can only say:
What the FOC?
For your information, FOC means Free Of Charge. If you are having different associations with the word FOC, you’re not the only one. Without going deeper into Freudian theories on emotions, sexuality and society, I can tell you: we have a dirty mind. Or at least I do, anyway. FOC.
Photo: Elad Ben-Cnaan